Dear Sisters…

Dear Sisters,You're my sister, not my competition!

I don’t know about you, but I spend way too many hours comparing myself to you. I don’t want to be presumptuous and assume that all women do this, so just in case you happen to be one of the rare women who is able to keep this from happening, I am speaking for myself here.

When I play this comparison game, in the end one of two things happen. I either walk away with feeling of failure because I will never be able to be “as ____ as you” or my pride is inflated through subtle mentalities of “at least I don’t____.”

Both are dangerous, both are ugly, and both need to stop.

AND as if the individual comparisons aren’t enough, I also join teams. I take sides and pit myself against you in larger groups so at least I have a feeling of belonging somewhere. It also helps me to justify my position in that if others feel the same way, then I’m not the one who is wrong. You may even know a few of these teams or be on an opposing one…

Dear Sisters The Teams wider

This is by no means an exhaustive list, and I’m sure you thought of a few more while you were reading.

Sisters, when I play the comparison game, I lose. Teams don’t make a difference either. I still lose.

I lose out on the opportunity to know you, not just the you that you present to everyone else, but the deep down you that is reserved for just a sacred few.

I lose out on the opportunity to learn from you because you have so many things that you do well.

  • I miss the opportunity to mirror how you love others.
  • I can’t watch you be a great wife and be encouraged to love my husband just the same.
  • I can’t see you when you handle your children with such patience that I am awed and inspired to do more of the same with my own.
  • I don’t get the opportunity to hear your words of wisdom, nor am I am able to allow them to the speak into my life.

I lose out on the opportunity to love you. Not just the your my sister so I guess I have to kind of love. No, the kind of love that truly encourages you, lifts you up, rejoices with you, cries with you, and walks with you on this journey of life.

And, I lose out on the opportunity to enjoy you. I miss your smiles, your silliness, your jokes, your laughs…your friendship.

So, here’s my promise to you, my sister. I will do my absolute best to take my thoughts captive and compare myself to God alone. In doing so, it’s easy to see that I am a messed up sinner in need of the grace and mercy of my loving Father. I will also do my absolute best to view you as my Father does. You are His princesses and my sisters. We are not to be a dysfunctional family as we all are too familiar with these days, but to be a family where every member has their own unique role that is respected, encouraged, and cherished.

Sisters, I need your strengths, your talents, your gifts, your time, your gentleness,  your grace, your patience, your love, and most of all your prayers just as much as you need mine.

So, the next time a child throws a temper tantrum in the supermarket or I see a questionable post from a teen online, I will pray for you and your children dear sister. I will ask God to give you wisdom with your words and discernment in how to handle the situation in a loving and appropriate way. I will also pray that your child will respond positively, accept responsibility, and be grateful for a loving mother.

The next time I see a sister who doesn’t look like me, dresses very different than me, and says words that I might not say, I will pray that my Father helps me to see them for the princess they are and to love them like family should.

While I know that I am human, and I will fail at times in this endeavor, I know that by committing this way to you, I am taking the first step. I will continue to pray that God grants me His vision to see you the way He sees you and to love you the way He loves you.

Is it too much to ask that you would please do the same for me?

How unfathomable it is, all that our Father could accomplish in us and through us, if we were to unite as sisters in this way. And, in our love for one another, the world would truly come to see us as family, the daughters of a King.


Your Sister

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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  • Mark Allman

    I think when we fall into the comparison game we block our ability to find out a person’s story. We don’t listen and we don’t seek out someone different from us or we do not have compassion enough to ask them their story. When we learn others stories it changes how we view them.

    • Shelly Tiffin

      You’re right, it does change how we view them when we know their story, and we often eliminate that opportunity with comparisons.