I will talk about anything just to keep people talking, just because the silence is so uncomfortable for me.
This can translate to my prayer life as well.
Between being a teacher and a writer, words are not something I’m usually short of. I’m an observer of life and if I’m not talking aloud, I’m conversing in my head.
And since I’m a teacher, this time of year usually has my head locked in a endless battle of ideas. I liken it to every radio in the house blaring a different station. It’s difficult to tune into anything through all the noise.
Not this year though.
I’ve been battling some health issues since Spring. At times, they leave me feeling as close to a walking zombie as I can fathom.
During these times I can’t concentrate. I can’t read a book or a screen. I can’t think straight and definitely can’t find my words. I sleep but am never rested. In fact, I’m so tired that there is literally nothing going though my mind. It’s blank.
On Friday, as a last resort, I headed to UCLA to try to get some answers. The thing is, I usually use the drive to Los Angeles to pray, but I kept disregarding that nagging inclination to do so.
I had a lot to pray about. I usually do, including what God wants to say through me in these weekly posts.
Finally, I surrendered.
I’d start talking and 2 or 3 sentences in I’d have nothing else to say. A few minutes later, I’d try again.
After several attempts and maybe half an hour, Romans 8: 26 came to mind.
“In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;”
I begged the Holy Spirit to intercede for me at that moment and He did. I could feel the aching in my heart being translated and lifted. I spoke only when a word came to me and was silent the rest of the time.
I’ve been reflecting on that experience for a couple of days now.
For some reason the word “groaning” really stuck out to me, so I looked it up. In this verse, the Greek word for groanings is like a sighing that’s brought on by circumstances that are full of pressure or hard to bear.
I realize now that the Holy Spirit was empathizing with me, just as I would with a friend.
In those silent moments of the car ride, I had a true friend who was feeling the weight and anxiety in my heart like no human could. He was prompting me to let Him have it and was expressing it all to the Father on my behalf.
It was a humbling moment for girl whose world revolves around words to have none.
But God had to get me to a place of silence and speechlessness for me to experience this moment with Him.
And because I’m sure you want to know, the answers the doctors gave were not what I wanted to hear, but did provide the hope that I desperately needed.
I had no words but God prayed for me, heard that prayer, and answered.
And because I had no words, I heard God clearly.
He even gave me the message I believe He wants us all to hear this week:
Speechless prayers are the most resounding as we allow the Spirit who loves us intimately to groan for us deeply and enable us to hear God clearly. (Click to Tweet)
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