Well, I wasn’t sure she really knew. She’s said she knows many times throughout the years and each time I ask for a definition she hasn’t been anywhere close. But last night I got the feeling I needed to pursue this.
So, I asked Tori to explain the whole thing to me again. In the process she verified that she did indeed know what sex was. I was devastated but held it together.
See, we have been praying and planning on when this moment would come. I was ready to tell her before she went in to fourth grade, but the timing never worked out and I was glad I didn’t. Then I thought, okay the summer before fifth grade, but again, I never had that assurance from the Lord that it was time.
Well, when Tori entered womanhood in March and was afraid to go to school and be in a room with boys because she was afraid of getting pregnant, I knew it was time.
Kyle and I have already begun preparing for a discussion this summer as soon as we got home from church camp. I have purchased a ring for her, which is a promise from us to her that we will be praying her through this growing up process, and that we will be here for her no matter what. We wanted to paint a beautiful and godly picture of sex to our daughter and let her know that it’s a gift from God that should be treated right.
We waited too long.
She begged me not to say anything to her teacher because it was no big deal and at first I agreed with her. The reason it wasn’t a huge deal was because Tori has been very well prepared. We have had many conversations about boys and what’s appropriate and honoring your body, etc. Not to mention all the conversations that come with entering womanhood.
But then I slept on it and it hit me.
NO! It is a big deal. Some young punk kid just stole my daughter’s innocence. Not only will Tori’s first and lasting memory of sex be an obscene gesture made by a school boy, but he stole that moment from her father and I. The more I thought about it, the more upset I got.
I went back and told Tori we needed to say something. This led to two other discussions: one about sexual harassment and another on the fact that when you stand up for what is right, you may end up standing alone. All I could think about was the poor girl whose parents’ maybe had not prepared her as well, and maybe she had no clue about the changes taking place in her body. What an enigma to be thrown when you are ready, let alone when you aren’t. Kids just don’t know. They are guessing about everything.
Can you imagine that poor girl?
I had to say something. And I made sure Tori not only understood why but that she was okay with it before I did. I don’t expect that much will happen, but at least her teacher and principal are aware.
We will still move forward with our plans as there is a lot more to discuss about the birds and the bees, and I don’t want to leave it where it is right now. But friends, if you want to be the first to have this conversation with your child, do not wait.
When I sat down to write this post, I did it all in one sitting and then saved it to let it all marinate. In that process I had several conversations with friends about what happened and needless to say I was saddened by some of the responses.
Most people told me to just get used to it because the world is going to introduce my kids to more than I will ever know. And who had that beautiful picture of sex painted for them anyway?
Through it all God has reminded me of the following:
- God is sovereign. He knew this is when and how it would happen, and it was part of His plan even when it wasn’t part of mine.
- God is in control. I am not. My girls are daughters of a king first and foremost and they have been entrusted to my care.
- Pray more! I can never cover them in prayer enough!
- I can never have too many conversations with my kids. Take every moment to speak words of life into their hearts.
- As a mother I must model that there is power in the word NO! Whether it’s saying no to a boy, saying no to friends, or saying, “No, that is not right,” my girls will know how to say no and my prayer is that they will not be afraid to stand alone in doing so. As a father, Kyle must honor their no, no matter how trivial. If the girls feel like they are heard when they say no or even stop, and that the circumstances change, they are more likely to use it. If their no goes unheard by dad even in the silly things like wrestling, they are more apt to feel like it’s futile to even try.
Have you had the sex talk with your kids? How did it go? Any tips or advice for the rest of us? Is there anything you would or would not do again.